dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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