She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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