Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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