watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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