i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
