You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He passed out mid-signature
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
