i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
please don't ironically join a cult
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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