ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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