New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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