...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
