life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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