i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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