My first STD was from a foam party
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
