Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
