Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
