"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
