i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
