this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize