if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
