Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
