Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
