your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
