Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
