and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
