I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
