who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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