it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
