Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Randomize
