using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
