I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
