Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
