I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
