she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
