you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
