dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
