when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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