I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
