That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize