well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
