i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
