He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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