bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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