You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
