I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
