I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
