Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
