I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
