ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
