I'm lost and stupid without you.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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