When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
