she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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