My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize