I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Randomize
