im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
