This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
