she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
