I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
