M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
