Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
