Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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