Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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