My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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