Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
