You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
