Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
