You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
