how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
